Swallowed a Spoonful Of Kryptonite. And Suddenly Something Happened To Me.

One of my worst traits is getting into something so obsessively and with so much attention that every other aspect of my life suffers. My husband knows this all too well. He has had to put his foot down on weekly basis and demand my attention to which I typically have replied with glazed over eyes, spacing out on what he has said.

My worst trait is not owning up to it, and refusing to admit that my behavior is borderline compulsive, when the scenario described above happens.

Two months ago I got into online gaming (one of the more ridiculous examples I can choose from). I’ve always been really big into the Final Fantasy series of RPG’s as they’ve fulfilled the space of satisfying the need to explore and venture. I’m a domesticated little kitty cat these days… and squishy in the face of daily things adults have to do to get on with their lives (sidenote: the funny thing is …My husband has told me how he doesn’t get that I can stare real danger in the face without blinking an eye, but completely crumble if there is even a smallest glitch in my day. Answer is that it’s because I can be stupid, if you’re reading this, husband. Lol).

Turns out that Final Fantasy XIV Realm Reborn is a real time sink.

Not that I didn’t totally let it suck me in and scream: Please give me more! At the top of my lungs. The first thing in the morning I would do is open up my laptop and sign in to play some more. The last thing at night I would do is to sign in and play to get that next level. That next piece of gear. Unlock that next dungeon.

And I’m not gonna lie. It really is fucking awesome. I love the social aspect of the game and the community around it, the people playing it. And of course… Grinding hours on end to get to the next point I need to be. That’s just how my brain works. I lock on a target and go at it until mission accomplished. I’m worse than a terrier after a prey.

What’s not awesome is ignoring the rest of your life and the ones you love. Supposedly love, they will be thinking soon enough.

I’m gonna do a crappy attempt at keeping this short&sweet and actually getting to the subject of this blog post in the near future.

The moral of the story is that I basically quit writing and drawing, quit working out, let down the one I love (and definitely not in that order), because I got into something once again so obsessively that I let it interrupt everything else.

And that’s wrong. Just to underline the moral part.

I have periods of compulsoriness over things, husband intervenes for the sake of having a balanced way of life, huge fight may ensue as I try to slither my way out of it with whatever reasoning (excuses). We are both artists and individuals with strong points of view so fireworks explode …And not in the sky in pretty colorful patterns. Usually I do a 180, work out a balance until the next thing comes along I get really excited about and make my life’s mission.

Microsoft’s OneNote is quite possible the next thing I will obsess about.

It’s an amazing writing tool I’m currently using to map out a project I have had in the back of my mind for nearly a decade, and to clean out You And Me And the Devil Makes Three. Check it out, if you haven’t yet, OneNote will change your life.

It’s basically one note to rule them all, for example you can create a multimedia experience to remember that specific emotion or set of mind you need to write a chapter, including sound and video, or just write out a structure for a story.

I used to be diligent about writing and drawing, learning things, jumping through hoops and walking through fire to become a better artist so that I could translate experiences on paper in a way that perhaps others did not see. It saddens me I’m no longer this way.

But.

Just like the last book in a trilogy gets split into two movies there is always a but. I took a big spoonful of my personal kryptonite and started thinking of the future. Something I typically hiss at like the devil at a bible.

I have a month long vacation coming up in May and I have plans for it. I am going to bloom.

Staring in the mirror and seeing the cracks in the reflection is never fun, but duck taping over the cracks is never the solution either.

Let’s face it, we all dream of having the perfect body and the perfect soul (to reference a song lol), mostly in that order, and that’s what I’m gonna aim for, but not in the obsessive boot camp way that I have.

I am calling myself out. I will find a way to keep a balance like I was walking on a tight rope. I will keep my mind strong and body strong. And most of all, I will give time to my loved one, god knows how he deserves it. And devil knows how I have not.

And oh yeah. I will finish my first book.

I will leave you with this:

And for you lazy bastards, who don’t want to listen to it:

Mind strong, Body strong
Try to find equilibrium
Head straight, Screwed on
Been screwed up for too long

I don’t want to lean on the waves
I watch the storm evaporate
I think of you in starry skies
I keep you so alive

Lets walk through the fire together
Disappear in the golden sands

It’s all in your face
I see you break
It’s like the sound of winter
The bleeding love, the silent escape
You’ve got to hang on to yourself
It’s like the sound of winter

Medusa smiles, Judas lips
Open arms and finger tips
Love bites and Recompense
I’ll be with you until the end

Lets walk through the fire together
Disappear in the golden sands

It’s all in your face
I see you break
It’s like the sound of winter
The bleeding love, the silent escape
You’ve got to hang on to yourself

It’s all in your face
I see you break
It’s like the sound of winter
The bleeding love, the silent escape
You’ve got to hang on to yourself
It’s like the sound of winter

Hang on to yourself
Hang on to yourself

It’s like the sound of winter

It’s all in your face
I see you break
It’s like the sound of winter
The bleeding love, the silent escape
You’ve got to hang on to yourself
It’s like the sound of winter

It’s like the sound of winter

Hang on to yourself
Hang on to yourself

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